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rogermugs
theologer
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Number of posts : 357
Location : east yo
Registration date : 2008-05-09

PostSubject: office rules   Mon Sep 01, 2008 8:17 am

i just got this from a guy i work with... quality
Quote :



Dress Code


You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. If we
see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you
are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better So
that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and
therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If
you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
Saturdays and Sundays.

Bereavement Leave

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead
friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have
non-employees attend to the funeral arrangements. In rare cases where
employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in
the later afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your
lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a
strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three
minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the
stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second
offense, your picture will be posted on the organization bulletin board under
the "Chronic Offenders" category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture
will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Breaks

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that
they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to
get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get
5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a
Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our organization. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,
concerns, compliments, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation
and input should be directed elsewhere.

_________________
"sometimes a little more than you think you want is still a little less than you actually need"
"brilliance seems too often masked by stupid people"
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